Tips I Have Learned While Living with Anxiety

Dealing with anxiety has been a background issue my entire life. I got it from my momma. I was always a scared little kid growing up. Scared of E.T. Scared of bad grades in school, scared of roller coasters, scared of baiting a hook, pretty much scared of everything. Now most of my fears have converted into anxiety. Anxious in large crowds. Anxious if I’m not moving for too long. Anxious about being anxious. Anxious about school. Anxious about sporting events. Anxious about relationships. My surrender to anxiety has probably negatively affected my life. Limited in experiences, only saying yes to the ones in my comfort zone. Only eat foods in my comfort zone. It has been very limiting. My momma has had anxiety issues my whole life, and when I came forward about my struggles, many more family members stepped up as well to tell me the stories of their struggles. Everybody has some type of struggle and I guess this one is mine. Here’s my journey with it so far.

March 26th, 2022 was when I had my first anxiety attack. It was terrifying, and it was over being trapped, with crowds of people. I was overcome with crazy feelings, and I left the situation which eased my feelings a bit, but still not all the way. My brain made a connection that whenever I get these feelings, I avoid the situation by any means. This would be the start of a cycle to avoid all pain and struggle. I would skip school if I felt it coming, skip friends’ hangouts, skip work, skip shopping at Walmart, and only do delivery. That was good enough for me. Go to work most days, call off if it is not good, and then go home and play games and watch TV. Easy life. 

In December of 2022, it got really bad; my avoidance strategy had delayed all the pain and I was starting to gain weight while not wanting to exercise and avoiding events became more frequent. 

I did this dance until about May of next year, when I was struggling so much that I went back to my hometown to see my family, hoping to break the cycle. I had voice memos of myself crying while on the interstate driving home. Not sure how to handle my emotions. I was having a very difficult time regulating them. I had an okay job, paid the bills, had people that loved me, and not many issues. I couldn’t understand where all this fear of the unknown came from. The avoidance strategy was bubbling up to a real problem that needed REAL strategies instead of avoidance. So, in August I leaped into therapy. A place I never wanted to go, no one in my family went did that. It’s a place I felt like only quitters and weak minds go to. I could take care of my problems, but when my problem solver turned into a problem itself I decided to seek help. I kept losing sleep for a job that wasn’t great. I would sleep less than 6 hours a night on weekdays and try to make them up on the weekend and a 30-minute nap after work. It was good enough until it wasn’t. I would have more and more anxious events; it came home with me, it went to work with me, and it was a large strain for not just myself but for the people who cared about me. I would withdraw myself from situations, say no to every hangout, or say yes and then cancel at the last minute. Leaned on my girlfriend way too much for a problem that I manufactured myself. I started to get fed up with my job. Every minor inconvenience would be blown out of proportion by sending several job applications a day. I got passed up for a promotion, and I was ready to go since then. Losing money because I kept leaving early. I couldn’t go to sleep at night some nights, and I had to call out. 

In October 2023, I got a new job. I put myself in a cubicle behind a computer screen and for a week, I HATED IT. I didn’t think I would be able to do it; my eyes hurt, my head hurt, and I whined about everything. I was going to change majors because screens weren’t going to be my future. I had to be talked off the quitting ledge several times. I stayed. I would improve my sleep to 7-8 hours a night. No other changes were made in my life, and my anxiety decreased RAPIDLY. It showed up socially sometimes and in school, but instead of using the avoidance strategy, I hung in there. After one semester of that, I looked back, and by the end of the semester at this new job, I had the best grades I have had in five years. My anxiety levels were low. Very low. Lowest in a year, and when you have those types of levels, you can tell a HUGE difference. 

I would still avoid some situations. After a few episodes of going out to dinner, I would stop going out to dinner. Which impacted my relationship. 

In June 2024, living a low-anxiety life came to an end. It lasted about 10 months. During this new anxiety time, it had attached itself to food. Each time I ate, I would feel like I had to throw up. I never did, but my brain believed it. Once again, my enemy. I struggled. Struggled some more. Would eat only chicken and rice, thought maybe I had a gluten intolerance. I decided I needed to make more changes, and NOT avoid. I continued to do that for a month this year. I started to bring daily exercise in. I started to take deep breaths if I felt it coming, I started therapy again, figured it couldn’t hurt. Which brings me to today.

My anxiety has shrunk into a manageable level. I still have triggers and still have anxiousness around me. The change now, is that instead of it affecting me for extended periods, I can feel it coming and can drop my anxiety levels within 5-10 minutes. It has been empowering. It won’t rule my life. Five minutes every few days has been a dream situation instead of an hour most days. 

I had one a couple of days ago; I had this outside huge plan of fun for Labor Day. When it began to rain, I felt stuck. My plans were ruined. My anxiety started going. How would I exercise? Which has been a game-changer for me. I looked outside; the rain was pouring, but there was no lightning. So, I grabbed my umbrella and Crocs and started walking. In the rain, the POURING rain. My anxiety faded away almost immediately. The thing I was worried about was fixed by ME within a couple of minutes. I was splashing in puddles and walking in the rain. A half mile in, a huge clap of thunder sounded over my head. My anxiety returned. But I didn’t hate it. It told me that I should be inside, away from a thunderstorm. When I got underneath the cover, the anxiety disappeared again. It felt amazing to understand more about anxiety. It’s just an alarm system. And my alarm system had been mismanaged for YEARS. I would use avoidance. Quit before I failed. Left all situations where I didn’t feel right. Now, I’m starting to build a healthy relationship with it. 

The best things I have done to help in regular life

1.   eat proper food

2.   Sleep the right amount. 

3.   Exercise daily

4.   Journal and count your wins, and track your feelings.

5.   Be around people you love, try new things, and do the things you enjoy. 

6.   Do the things you say you will do. The last thing you need is cognitive dissonance on top of anxiety. 

The best things I have done to ease an attack that is happening

1.   Go for a walk

2.   Deep breaths even when your brain says no

3.   Get into an ice-cold shower to reset

4.   Lay down and try to control your rapid movements. 

5.   Hang in there in public. Don’t run from it. It’s for a reason, be on alert for a time, and usually, it fades. In my experience at least. Obviously if you are in actual danger, anxiety is a great thing to have 

The best things when I feel it coming. 

1.   Keep the same tactics as during the attack.

2.   5 things you see, 4 things you touch, 3 things you hear, 2 things you smell, 1 thing you taste. I usually taste water. 

3.   Do the thing you have been procrastinating with. Do the next right thing. Usually, this one helps pretty well. I know for me; I always have something on my to-do list. If you can knock that out, it fades.

Anxiety issues are just an out-of-wack security system. If you calibrate it and reward the situations where it is used correctly and don’t reward the ones that it uses incorrectly it will start to retrain your brain. That one example of rain and lightning was very empowering. It was used correctly. I still have a long way to go, but I am on the right track. Eat right, sleep well; move your body. The big 3.