My Journey with Anxiety and How I Limited It

When I was young, I was always scared. Scared of movies, of theme park rides, the dark, bad weather. Anything you could possibly name I was probably afraid.

When I got older, certain fears stuck with me for sure, but most fears finally left me and what took its place was anxiety. Heavy amounts of social anxiety came about in middle school and high school. Anxiety filled my relationships (friends/romantic), I was anxious about public speaking, anxious before sporting events, it was everywhere. Funnily enough I never had test anxiety which was a popular form of anxiety among others around that high school age. Most of these anxieties I have carried into adulthood as well.

After I finally graduated from community college, and after COVID I was out on my own. Without very many skills to call upon. Not much of a handyman, not very educated, and not many mental coping skills either.

The first year and a half on my own wasn’t too hard. I had saved up a nice emergency fund, I was happy I had freedom, and after about six months of being there, I met an amazing woman that I get to still share my life with today.

December 2022 is when I had my first anxiety attack. My throat felt like it was closing. My head pounded, I felt like I was overheating, ready to throw up, I could barely talk, I knew I had to run away. When I was finally able to be in the safety of my friend’s car is when I felt like I would be alright. It lasted an hour and when I got home, I went straight to sleep. Never really process what happened. This was an example of my first “skill” to deal with anxiety, AVOIDANCE, a skill I would continue to use.

Leading up to December I wake up at 4 AM every morning. Getting less than 5 hours of sleep some nights. I never exercised, and my nest egg was depleted. At least I had my major finally picked out during this time.

2023 is coming. I would have random anxiety attacks. I couldn’t find an exact pattern of what triggered it. I would call out of work to avoid my problems. Never check my bank account because I knew it was dropping as I kept missing work.

Finally, I decided it was the job’s fault. Waking up at 4 AM, bosses weren’t really my favorite and just the constant pressure of me to figure out what the hell am I doing. I started putting in job applications.

Rejection. Rejections. Ignored. Ignored. Almost got a promotion at the company I was working at but got passed over at the final interview. That was hard. I was lost and stuck at the same time. I called off of more work. Using my emergency fund as a way to float me through this difficult time.

Halfway through the year I finally decided to finally seek help in therapy. I had three therapists come and go. I didn’t like them. I decided to seek medication as well. Something to get through the day. The call out of work, leaving early from work cycle lasted a couple more months. Until FINALLY, I got a job. An entry level position in the finance field where I had a regular schedule.

I could sleep. I had weekends. I got a raise. I got a better boss. Anxiety withered away. I beat it. I finally found the reason why it was coming up. It had nothing to do with me but the environment I was in. I was free. November 2022- October 2023. My anxiety year was done.

I had a job, failing some classes but I hate school. I finally had a regular job. I stopped seeing therapists. It was done.

                                                            June 2024

I just finished my best semester as a college student. Two B’s which happened to be a record for me. I hadn’t gotten multiple B’s since community college. I even enjoyed going to class to help the other kids. I was the best student in group projects. My finances began to stabilize. I was actually working and saving money. No calling out for me. My work was good. Easy. Paid the bills.

Three categories I had anxiety in had eased. Unfortunately, with a sedentary job, I began to put on weight. The start of another issue. From 190 to 220 in eight months. I also started drinking more alcohol than usual.

My anxiety was waiting for something to latch onto. It had to come back, I was changing circumstances, but I hadn’t developed skills to ACTUALLY deal with it. So, it came back around food. Every time I eat, I feel like I would throw up which would lead to so much anxiety. I would have daily anxious episodes leading up to eating, and after eating. Anxiety was consuming my life again. I also hated what I saw on the scale. I had six months of peace. I thought this chapter was closed, but now it was open again and even louder than it was before. I had thoughts about not being able to take care of myself. What if I could never be happy, live a peaceful life. My anxiety would attack me even at home. That’s when it really started to get me. I wasn’t safe anywhere. I chopped down the anxiety tree when I switched jobs, but I ignored the roots. It grew back stronger than ever before.

What did I do?

                                                            Therapy

I accepted all the free help that was given to me. Through my employer I found two therapists and from my college I added another. I would use these three to have appointments once or twice a week sometimes. Three therapists are overkill, but I am the type of person that loves free stuff. I did three therapists for a semester. It was great to work through my issues one by one and getting 2nd and third opinions on them. Therapy alone helps but when you practice the skills they give you outside is even better. My favorites have been deep breaths. 5 things you see, 4 things you feel, 3 things you hear, 2 things you can smell, and 1 thing you are grateful for. Engage the senses to become more present. Also shock yourself back into reality to change the thought cycle. Cold showers, lemon juice, a piece of gum, even just a sip of cold water can shock me back to reality.

                                                            The Opposite of Avoidance

If I felt anxious about anything, I would just leave the situation. That led me to skipping classes, walking out of dinners, skipping work, skipping hangouts, and even running back to my parents’ house. One of the best things for my anxiety was to feel it. Know it would be temporary and just hang in there. Within moments, anxiety would release my brain cycle and I could live in the moment again. I read a quote from some self-help motivational speaker that I cant name but anxiety is an illusion, it grows when you don’t confront it. But vanishes when you do. I have been on both sides of this. Avoidance practically ruined a year, financially, mentally, and physically. Feel it and then bring in a logical approach. Sometime last year on a weekend, I was so excited to get outside and enjoy the day, I had it all planned out until a huge rainstorm hit. I felt anxiety creep in. How would I exercise? How would I get outside? I was stuck in my home. And feeling stuck brings out the anxiety better than anything. Instead of feeding into my woes, I put my crocs on, grabbed an umbrella and walked outside anyway. The anxiety melted away. Until ten minutes later, a huge clap of thunder rang out. It felt like a different anxiety. It helped me not get struck by lightning. Ever since that day, I would FEEL the anxiety to decide if it was helpful or not. If they weren’t helpful I would visualize a train to send the thoughts away or do something to change my thought pattern. That day and this strategy was probably my best strategy for anxiety.

                                                            Put your Mind to Work

For me, personally, I want to stay busy when I have anxiety issues. It typically comes up when everything is quiet. Or when I have a to-do list and I am actively avoiding it. I have used it lately as an alarm clock and it has helped me produce more favorable results.

                                                            I Did Things I Enjoyed

We aren’t supposed to be homebodies all the time. I feel the best when I have the balance of being outside and staying inside relaxing. Balance of enjoying time with others and enjoying time alone. Have a good balance like this and do the things you like to do. I haven’t seen a sad person on a pickleball court.

                                                            Exercise

Similar to working your brain, you need to move your body. It feels great to get a good exercise in. Pickleball, running, golf, walks, and form of exercise helps me. Release those good chemicals in your brain. After hard marathon training days where I would run for hours, I would never experience anxiety. I was breaking running records that made me feel great. Also, my legs were actually hurting so why would my brain create a fake ailment when I was actually hurting.

                                                            Diet

Anxiety is tied to digestion so don’t make it work hard trying to breakdown ice cream, French fries, and pizza every night. This made me feel much better and I was able to get to a healthier weight which also is fantastic. Lost 25 pounds in 7 months, I still have a gut but I also still have anxiety. Both have shrunk significantly though.  

                                                            Walks

I feel like this deserves an extra mention. This is a low barrier form of exercise. Get some sun, get some exercise, breathe the fresh air. We weren’t built to sit in an office all day underneath artificial light and stare at a computer screen. Take some time to get outdoors. It is like medicine.

Overall, it has been a long journey in trying to deal with anxiety issues. There has been some hard days and I still have some from time to time. Thankfully, it is usually over real issues now and not completely imaginary ones. Either way, I feel like I am much more equipped for these struggles. I put in the work to figure out how my brain worked. I watched my mom struggle day and night with these issues and not do anything about it. I knew I didn’t want that. She never got help, she never took the necessary steps to get over these struggles. Learn about them. Work through them. Receive that help. It’ll change your life.